So, retail therapy only works if you can afford it so the next best thing really is exercise therapy. It's a little bit insane, but there's something about pushing myself to the point of wanting to throw up that gives me a sense of inner calm. I don't know if it's that I'm just too exhausted to be stressed or if it's endorphins or what, but it works. Today is the first day in over a year that I haven't been on some sort of medicine. Now granted, the first one didn't work so technically I've only been working medication since May. I'm feeling ok right now, but I haven't picked up the kids from school and that's the real test. But since I am venturing into this non-medicated territory I got on the treadmill to run because there's something about running that helps my mental health. I didn't push as hard as I probably could have and my time left a lot to be desired, but I felt good when I stepped off. Then I almost killed myself lifting weights. Because I am an idiot and will constantly try things that *maybe* I'm not really equipped to do. I refuse to think I can't do something. If I'm not currently capable of doing something, that just means I haven't practiced enough. :)
On the bright side, it led me to a very interesting conversation with a group of people about lifting weights. Some people are very into cardio and don't see the point in lifting weights. Other people (mostly men) will only lift weights and not do any cardio. We were all standing at the personal trainer desk and someone made the comment that both are equally important and someone else disagreed and somehow I ended up talking to a group of strangers for 20 minutes of the benefits of both. During this conversation I found a paper cut that I had apparently gotten between my fingers while turning textbook pages well into the evening yesterday. By using hand sanitizer. Yeah. And I couldn't just randomly yell out profanities so I suffered in silence for a few minutes so as not to embarrass myself in front of people I see every day. That is all.
I am currently trying the nonmedicated thing too. It is a dangerous thing for me, really. I can just go batshit crazy. But the only thing that helps at all is running. I am also totally allergic to Zoloft. Have tried prosac, bad, Cymbalta, bad, and a couple of others that may not be so terrible, but cause just enough side effects that I cannot, you know, work and stuff.
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