Sick Day

No Exercise/"Cheat Meal"

Body media

I love my fitbit, but I'm pulling out the big guns for the next 3 months. I put on my body media armband yesterday so I can figure out exactly what I'm burning and what I need to be doing. This was yesterday's and I'll be posting each day. Lucky you!

Answers!

It sounds like we finally have an answer for the repeated miscarriages! The only problem is, we've had this answer for MONTHS and my current Dr. just wasn't treating it. WTF. After a trip to my OB/GYN yesterday (and OMG I seriously love this man…he could be my brother we are so much alike) he fought with their office to get my records after I told him everything that was going on and he told me that it's pretty obvious that my thyroid is the big red flag. He may have called Dr. G some very ugly names, but the repeated term was "that idiot." After lots of time in his office, several phone calls, and lots of colorful language, we now have an appointment with a new doctor for July 16th. This isn't going to be a quick process at all and it's going to be some trial and error, but he thinks our issue is totally fixable with the right treatment and they're willing to help us figure it all out. The next 6 months will be spent trying some medications, diet changes (Ugh.. I hate giving up gluten and sugar), and trying some vitamins/minerals to bring down my anti-thyroid antibodies and leveling out my T3 and T4 levels. This will all be done in correlation with my PCP so I see her next week to get another update on where my levels are right now.

This was all totally unexpected. I just went in yesterday to have my pap test ran again (and I got scheduled for another lovely chance to get my cervix snipped in October) and I was just venting to him about my frustrations with the whole process. He knows me well enough to know that I'm not a difficult patient and I'm also not an idiot. I was telling him how frustrated I was that we didn't really know what else to do besides walk away and start the adoption process. He said I shouldn't have to be making these choices because my REI (Dr. G) should be telling me what the best course of action is and he should be presenting me all the options and treatment plans. He also should be treating me for the obvious problem I have that increases my chance of miscarriage! I didn't expect to spend my whole day talking to him and figuring out a plan. I didn't expect to be given this second chance. I didn't expect him to hug me and tell me that he will help me in whatever way he can to help me get the treatment I need. He has even offered to treat my thyroid issue himself if nobody else will and then I could do a frozen cycle and not worry about dealing with an REI to deal with the underlying issue. I don't think that will be an issue though because he called both my PCP and the new REI and it seems everyone is in agreement. I don't know if I even want to know what he said to Dr. G's office because I know he was totally pissed off at them after he got off the phone with them. It's unbelievably wonderful to have a doctor willing to fight for you and genuinely care. He is not just a good doctor, but also a good person. I was ready to walk away from this process, and he's the one who is pushing me and saying 'not yet.' He also encouraged me to run that half marathon before doing another cycle. He gets why I need that right now.

So I guess we just keep on keeping on and I'm excited for new eyes and a new opinion to take a look at things. The next 6 months could be interesting.

And it is so amazing that while I've been writing this my 7 year old son is watching YouTube videos about how to draw things and is drawing them! He just did a dinosaur drawing tutorial and it's so good to see him doing something productive this summer! There certainly isn't much else to do since our house is pretty much all boxed up...

Race #1

Just Keep Swimming

Sometimes life leads us in a different direction than we had originally planned and that's where we are right now. We have spent the last 16 months trying to have a baby and we have invested a lot of time and money into this process with no return. I'm not bitter about it and I'm not angry because I have no regrets. If we hadn't done those 3 ivf cycles I would have always said 'what if' and I didn't want to always wonder if it would have worked. IVF is the answer for a lot of people, but it's just not the answer for us. I get pregnant but we have no reason for the many miscarriages we have been through. I use the term 'we' loosely there because 'we' weren't up for almost 5 days straight from massive amounts of pain and bleeding. I don't feel any grief over the process and I'm ready to move forward. Of course I mourn the babies that should have been, but I'm not mourning the loss of my ability to have a baby. I have 2 children and I have experienced pregnancy and childbirth. I also know it's not all it's cracked up to be. I had 2 difficult pregnancies, many miscarriages, an NICU baby, pre-eclampsia, hyperemesis, and a c-section. I think that's plenty and I'm not mourning the loss of my ability to do it again. Any child that comes into this house will be my baby regardless of how he or she gets here.

So that leads me to our decision. After we get moved and settled, we are starting our home study for adoption. The biggest hold up in this is money at this point because we need roughly $25,000 in the bank at the time we are matched. We don't have that right now so we are looking into loans, grants, or anything else that will help us get there. It's stressful and I am very realistic about this process. There will be bumps in the road and I'm sure this will not be an easy road. Adoption isn't the easy choice or a back-up plan for us. It's something we have discussed since before we had Madison. We want another child (or children) in our home and there are children who need homes. It just makes the most sense.

Maybe next time I'll discuss how you think you're going to die when you haven't run consistently for months and decided to train for a half marathon. Because that has been all kinds of fun.

The Obvious

Dieting while traveling sucks. It just does. I brought my cooler with fruits, yogurt, waters, and vitamuffins so that I wouldn't have to eat what was convenient. I brought my awesome blender so I could have protein shakes for breakfast each morning and I've had simple salads with fat free dressing for any meals we've had to eat out. I even got up at the crack of dawn Tuesday morning to run a couple miles so I would only miss 2 workout days, and even with that I swam yesterday and did 30 minutes of water jogging. I haven't gone over my calories once! Tonight is Jack's birthday dinner so I'm sure it won't be super healthy, but I ate really light for lunch and breakfast to make up for it. 

So this brings me to the fact that my mother's first words to me were, "What did you do, gain some of your weight back?" I wanted to slap her. I've been through 3 miscarriages and 3 ivf cycles in the past year. I know I've got about 40 lbs to lose again. I'm not an idiot and I'm not blind. My size 4/6 jeans don't fit so yeah I know I've gained some weight back. In the last 3 weeks I've lost 6 lbs because I'm running and counting every calorie I consume. I know how to lose weight and be healthy. I also know that my body has been through hell in the last year and I've done the best I could. We won't try again until I've lost this weight at this point. I'm actually planning on running 4 races this fall/winter including a half marathon! But leave it to my mother to make me feel like crap about it. No baby and I gained weight. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

Moving Again

We are very excited to be making our next (and hopefully final) move! This house is right around the corner from the elementary school and park. We are within a few blocks of most of our friends too so I'm really excited about that. We get keys July 1st and I can't wait!