I've kind of taken a step out of my comfort zone lately and signed up for a women's bootcamp 3 days a week. As far as fitness, this is a hardcore training camp so that's not out of my comfort zone. What is difficult for me is the being in a room with several other women and developing friendships with these women. I'll be the first to admit that I don't actually care much for the way women treat each other. I've seen it time and time again and I just don't like being part of it. It's everything from getting "unfriended" on Facebook from someone you have known for years to not being invited to lunch or coffee when it seems everyone else is. Men are very straightforward for the most part and don't make you deal with that bullshit. Most of my friends from the time I was little were boys and I preferred it that way. No drama and if they were mad at you they told you why. Several years ago I let my guard down and joined a mom's group because I seriously needed out of the house. I met a few amazing women that I still think of often and consider friends even though we don't talk much. I also got reminded again of why I don't do female friendships. I spent numerous hours consuming ice cream and wine while "friends" went through hard spots in their marriage. I brought Kleenex and an open mind and heart. I helped take kids to school, push strollers, change diapers, and anything else I could do. I didn't do those things because I expected something in return. I learned a long time ago that you should never do things for others because you expect to get something from them. I did those things because they were my friends and I wanted them to know they could count on me. Eventually though, when I hit a time in my life where things weren't all sunshine and roses, they bailed. When I would call to talk about things (long before anyone else even knew what was going on), they didn't answer. They just told everyone how perfect their lives were and preferred to talk about me behind my back instead of talking to me. I made some poor decisions, but those girls knew the reasons why I was making those decisions and instead of defending me and telling everyone to back off (like I did for them several times), they bailed. Like I said, I did gain some friendships from that group and I greatly appreciate that some people don't believe everything they hear. Unfortunately, it was never the same after that because I never knew what they were saying about me or who believed what. Since we have moved I have gained several "friendships" that I keep at a distance and I have 1 good friend that I can vent to about anything and share all of my ups and downs with. I saw a quote the other day that said, "I'd rather have 1 quarter than 25 pennies," and I think that is dead on. I keep a very small group of people I trust nearby and I don't easily let people in that circle. Being in a small space with several women makes me feel like I have to kind of open up to new friendships, but I will forever be cautious of who I call my friend. I refuse to let past experiences make me jaded and closed off, but you do live and learn. So I'm doing this thing and then I'm going to attempt to get knocked up one last time in a few months.
In other news, as of Monday I gave up all sugar and flour in my diet. Thank God for coffee. It has no sugar, no flour, and it has kept me from killing everyone. Yesterday and today I feel GREAT. Monday and Tuesday were not so great. It doesn't help that I'm assembling our basket for the silent auction next week and our class got the theme 'baking.' I gave up sugar and flour while being bombarded with cookbooks, muffin mixes, and sugary goodness. I should get some sort of award.
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