Infertility Sucks

Well, after several positive tests, then a positive beta, then a falling beta... I am nowhere. Waiting for beta #3 just to be sure it's not ectopic. I don't know where we go from here honestly. I don't have a lot of faith in doing 3 more FET cycles. They are expensive, time consuming, and we don't exactly have great history with ivf. I'm not crazy about throwing another $10,000 at something I don't have a lot of faith in at this point. I have a few calls in to some other doctors and I'm waiting to see what I hear back from them. I'm also due to have my thyroid rechecked in a few weeks. Oh and my repeat cervical biopsy is next month. Yay. 

We are seriously considering just cutting our losses right now and taking the kids to Disney in August. I don't want to deal with another miscarriage and I'm not quite ready to head straight into adoption. Since I'm only 28 we still have plenty of time for that.

So I don't have any answers and I have no idea where this will take us. It's all kind of up in the air right now.

I See the Finish Line!

Tomorrow is beta day!! I already know the outcome, but want to hear from my doctor before I say much of anything. I'm mostly just thankful the last 11 days have passed somewhat quickly. After tomorrow we will know more about how to proceed from this point so I'm looking forward to that. The next 24 hours are going to drag on forever. I know he'll call me last. I swear he always does. 

Finally

Today I am finally feeling somewhat normal. I'm still sore, but no pain. I'm very tired from the progesterone shots and feel like a walking zombie, but at least I'm a pain free zombie! If these embryos stick around the ohss can get worse again so I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm hoping they stick around, but the ohss doesn't return! I'm going to accupunture a few times this week and somehow I have to make it another 10 days until my beta without going crazy.

Seeing the Signs...to Nowhere

There are certain signs they tell you watch for with OHSS and I've got every single one. Nausea? Check! Pain? Check! Hard to breathe? Check! Gaining 3-4 lbs a day in fluid? Check! Extreme thirt? Check! Decreased urine output? Check! Swollen hands/feet? Check! You know what they can do about it? Not a damn thing. If I start vomiting, quit peeing completely, start coughing from lack of breathing, or the pain gets so bad I can't stand it then I go to the ER and they can drain the fluid through my abdomen. Doesn't ivf sound like so much fun?? Not. More than once this week I have thought I was dying. For real.

2 Embryos

These are my 2 embryos we transferred today. One is perfect and 9 cells, the other is good and 7 cells. Both are considered to be very capable of making babies. Lets all pray they stick around for about 9 months!

For Real?

There are not even words to describe how messed up everything is right now. My retrieval was beyond awful. I woke up crying and in so much pain I could barely speak. I don't think I've ever hurt so bad in my entire life, and I've given birth to 2 children. It took several hours to get things under control, and I use that term loosely. Then I woke up this morning (after very little sleep) and realized I gained 8 pounds overnight. Not good. So now I have OHSS, but it's only moderate so I get to stay home at this point chugging Gatorade and popping Tylenol 3 like candy. And then comes the fun part! Dr. G wanted to freeze everything today and do the transfer next month. I knew this was coming and I was prepared to fight him on it, except I was all drugged up yesterday and could barely think. Luckily, Dr. M knew I was not really functional and didn't force me to make a decision. We talked a lot yesterday afternoon and he gave me options I hadn't considered. We froze 9 embryos today and have 5 in the lab still. On Saturday we will transfer whatever of those survive and if this fails we have enough embryos for 2-3 more cycles. It's a compromise. I'm also doing things Dr. G told me not to, but Dr. M said are ok. I'm going to acupuncture starting tomorrow and drinking coffee to hopefully help with the bloating. I only have about a 20% chance of this cycle working, but at least it's a chance. He gave me a 90% overall success rate over the next 3-4 months. I hope I beat the odds and this cycle works, but honestly right now I just want the pain to stop.

The Day Before Retrieval...Again

Tomorrow is retrieval day. Thank God. I am beyond miserable. I have 23 follicles measuring over 15, and several more that won't be mature enough to fertilize. Last time I ended up with 10 mature follicles and tons that weren't mature. This time they have all grown together, but that means my ovaries are big and extremely uncomfortable!! I can't sleep because they are pushing on everything and there's no position that is comfortable. Then last Friday Dr. G sprung the news on me that my lining was a little too thick and he was considering freezing all my embryos and doing a FET next month. Uhm, no. Not happening. My lining is at 18 and I have a tiny polyp close to my cervix. Is this ideal? Nope. But the polyp isn't in an area where the embryo would implant so that's not enough for me to cancel at this point. My lining is thick, but it's healthy and not old lining. Again, not enough to cancel things at this point. I haven't even approached the subject of transferring 2 embryos instead of 1. He's not going to like that either. I'm just tired of having my doctor make all these choices for me while I sit back and do as I'm told. That hasn't gotten me anywhere so now I'm pushing for what I want this time. Dr. M (the embryologist) will be in charge starting tomorrow. I trust him and have no doubts about putting my embryos in his hands. He will be reasonable with me and we will make a plan. I'm just hoping tomorrow morning goes well and we actually make it to transfer next Monday. 

IVF Update

I haven't posted as much this cycle, but I will say its going very well so far. My E2 levels are rising nicely and my follicles are all growing at about the same pace. Last time they were all different sizes at this point, but today they were all measuring 8-10. All 21 of them he was able to count. So next week I'll have my retrieval. Finally! I'm ready for this to be over and just know so I can move forward.