Ugh

Today I signed up for WW online again. I didn't do it willingly though. I would say I did it kicking and screaming, but knowing it's what I need right now. With IVF, pregnancy, and a miscarriage, my body is just out of whack. Calorie counting isn't cutting it right now and I'm doing at least 3 miles on the treadmill every day plus strength training 3 days a week. Something had to give and I know many people who have had success with WW. I've done it in the past with success myself so I KNOW it works. I just hate paying for things I think I should be able to do for free.

I must also say that today is the day my period should have started if it were a normal cycle. Gotta love when your phone ridicules you without trying. The message said, "Your period should arrive today" but what I read was, "Hey your period should be here today, but it won't be. Because you WERE pregnant and it fucked everything up so who knows when it will actually arrive." Yippee. Since I shouldn't have ovulated until 2 weeks after my beta was zero, then I suppose I probably won't see my period for at least another week or so. That's fine by me. I had enough bleeding last month to last a lifetime. On a related note, I don't know if we will cycle in January at this point. We are running a race February 1st and I don't want to be a mess from IVF, or pregnant. I don't know. I want to cycle. I want a baby. What I don't want is another failed cycle or miscarriage. I'm just not ready for that yet. I think I'm better off waiting to cycle when I can handle another failure. That may sound really depressing, but it's true. The odds aren't great for a frozen cycle and my odds aren't great in general. I'm not really thinking about it quite yet because I'm not ready to go there. When we are ready, we'll do it. Those embryos aren't going anywhere.