Not Now

I almost feel guilty for saying it, but I feel relieved. My beta dropped to 52 and the sono showed that my lining was down to a 6 with no signs of an ectopic. I felt from the beginning that something was off and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's not the ending I was hoping for, but it could be worse. This shouldn't drag on forever and we will cycle again after I have a cycle to let my body recover. My transfer should be in January. It gives me some time to lose the weight I gained and heal. It is unbelievably frustrating to spend so much money and end up with nothing, but sometimes life just isn't fair. I'm considering it an investment into the baby we do eventually have. I'm not sure how many times I'm willing to do this, but the next cycle will be frozen (much easier) and I would be willing to do another fresh cycle at some point. Just not soon. Right now we are pushing forward and having faith that it will happen. A good friend told me this morning that sometimes when we ask God for something his answer is, "not now." It doesn't mean He's saying never, but it just isn't our time yet and we need to be patient. I'm trying, but patience is not my strong point.