This morning I was reading some old blog posts from the other site while my kids were trying to kill each other in the living room. I was curious at what point it really clicked with me and I was able to totally focus on my weight loss and you know what? There's no real answer. I was just really determined that I was going to make it happen somehow. I reached this place again a few weeks ago and I know I can do this because I have done it before. I need to quit worrying about what people think because I gained some weight back. At least it's only 40 lbs instead of 130 this time! I need to stop telling myself that it's ok if I never lose it all. It's not ok!!!
When I was reading the posts though it was interesting because I was reading what was really going through my head instead of what I wrote. I remember being happy with the number on the scale, but hating my body. I told myself that it was good enough to look good with clothes on, but it wasn't. I was so angry at the fact that I had lost the weight and still hated my body so much. I'm saving for a tummy tuck. Period. We aren't talking about a little bit of skin from pregnancies, we are talking 6-8 inches of skin being taken off my stomach. That's what they told me at my consult. I would need at least 6-8 inches removed. I should have done whatever it took to get it done. Instead I just said to myself that it didn't matter what I ate because my body was a wreck anyways. This time I am doing it with the knowledge of what I will be left with. And with a savings account ready to foot the bill for it.
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