Moving!

Right now I feel like I am completely buried in boxes! I think the kids are ready to get out of here though because they have been a HUGE help with packing! They have not complained one bit about packing or moving. In fact, yesterday they were in their room filling boxes without me even asking them too! Madison has seen the house and is really excited about it. She has been planning out her new room, deciding what toys she wants to put where, she's picked out a new desk, and she cannot wait to get her brother out of her space! Jack hasn't seen the house, but he's going with it and has packed everything except for his Legos. We have 2 weeks until we can move and then it's chaos until school starts! We will be in Kansas, moving, then Houston, then school starts! Matt is gone a lot in September so it will kind of be a blur from July until October. Let the chaos begin! I'm ready!

Rude Awakening

I took Jack in for his 6 year appointment on Monday and we got some very surprising news. First of all, the kid is 50 inches tall and 73 pounds. Technically, he's just barely considered overweight for his height (and that's bad enough). The worst thing though is that his blood pressure was high! She said part of it might just be that he was bouncing off the walls, but even after sitting it was high enough for concern. I have to take him in later this week to have his cholesterol, insulin, and some other things tested. In the meantime, I've got him exercising more and eating less. I hate it. I absolutely hate that my kid has to be on a "diet." We don't tell him he's on a diet or that he's overweight, but I did explain to him that his blood pressure is concerning and he needs to make better food choices and work out his heart a little extra so it can work better. What does he hear? That he can't have ice cream, chicken strips, corn dogs, french fries, pizza, or chocolate milk. I haven't told him specifically that he can't have those things, but he gets that those aren't good choices and he knows they are off limits for a while. It truly sucks. He got in a really bad eating routine this year during school when he wouldn't eat lunch at school and then was starving after school and eating Cheez-Its, string cheese, or whatever else he could find buried in the cabinet. The one thing I can always get him to eat is Subway so for lunch the last few days I've been getting him a 6 inch sandwich on wheat, asking them to pull out some of the bread, turkey, one slice of cheese, lots of lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and very little ranch dressing. He has grapes, oranges, apples, or carrot chips at home with his sandwich. It's truly the only way I can get veggies in this kid so I tell them to really pile on the veggies. I have that Sneaky Chef cookbook somewhere so I need to dig that out and see how I can cram more veggies in him. I'm also having him eat a banana each day for the potassium as well. We are going out of town this weekend again so eating out with him will be challenging I'm sure, but we'll make it work. I know that sets off major cravings for him though, just like it does for me. It sucks and he will probably fight it for his entire life. I feel for him because I've had to fight it my entire life as well and he's a lot younger than I was when I first started fighting my weight. We've also been spending a lot of time playing outside the past couple days and I'm anxious to get him back into a house with a yard so he has a place to run. I think having him stuck in this damn apartment has added to the problem. I know it certainly hasn't helped my weight loss any. There's no place to walk or run, no playground, no place to play soccer, and just no place to be outside playing. The kids and I really miss those things. We hate being inside. Matt is the freak that loves all this time indoors and being crammed in like sardines. It probably has something to do with him only being home 2 hours a day. Just saying...

Home Again

We made it home late Friday night and I got on the scale Saturday morning to see what the damage was. It was not good. Really not good. I'm thinking a lot of it is water weight and will come off rather quickly, but it doesn't really matter. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I was going to put on my Bodybugg and just get at it as soon as we got home so it's fine. I had charged it during our vacation so that it would be ready to go as soon as we got home so imagine my surprise when I wore it all day yesterday and when I plugged it into the computer….nothing. It didn't record anything and apparently was only working when I plugged it in to the computer. Fantastic. I ordered a new one and it should be here by the end of the week. I have a pretty good idea of calories burned so I suppose it's fine and I can be patient until it gets here in a few days….along with my new zebra striped arm band. :)

What a Difference a Year Makes

One year ago I was sitting in bed and realizing that I was so done. I knew I needed to make some major changes in my life and not look back. I was taking a leap of faith and just hoping that things would work out. I realized that some people I was allowing to be in my life were not worthy of my time or attention. I didn't drastically do anything, I just let the situation kind of dissolve itself. I backed off and just waited it out. I went to bed by 10 PM most nights and started running consistently again each morning. I finally started to feel like I was going to be alright. I took a huge leap of faith and sent a simple text just saying, "I miss you." It wasn't an overnight change and I honestly had no idea where my life was going at that point, but I knew I couldn't continue the way it was. I wanted to forgive and be forgiven. I realized the only person I could change was myself and I would start there. Recently I've been reading a book "Let's Just Pretend this Never Happened," and I finally felt like someone else understood. Generalized Anxiety Order is very real. The weird shit that still goes through my head just doesn't make sense. The difference is, I've finally realized that just because I'm worried about something doesn't mean it's a logical fear. I still struggle to really let go of things and just relax. It takes a lot of effort for me to just go with the flow and trust the process. I'm working on it. So where does this lead me to? Well, I'm currently on vacation on one of the most beautiful islands in the world with the love of my life who still annoys me by working and doing accounting on vacation. But guess what? It's fine. It's giving me time to write a blog post and that NEVER happens these days. My head has been elsewhere lately. I've got a lot of things going on and it takes a lot for me to stay focused on everything and not get overwhelmed and anxious. It's a fine line. I've spent the last year just trying to be ok. The doctor I saw last May said I would know in a year how well I would be able to cope and adjust. My diet has definitely suffered because of this, but I'd rather have a few pounds to lose and keep my sanity. Will I ever really be "ok?" I doubt it. I don't think the general feeling of anxiousness will ever go away, but I'm in such a better place now than I was a year ago. I feel like I have some traction under my feet again and it feels good. I am going back to seeing a personal trainer and working on building up my weight training again once we get home. Matt has agreed to go with me too. I'm sure he's suuuuuper excited. :) It's one of my favorite things, but it's really hard to do alone. I need a trainer to push me to the edge of death apparently. And with the kids out of school for summer we will have to find a routine that works for us. I miss our old YMCA where I had friends to workout with and could drop the kids off any time and they had friends who would be in the Kid Zone. I don't think they love the Kids Club at our gym and I don't love that I have to make reservations for them every.single.time I want to go to the gym. It's annoying. I also can't go to boxing without taking them to a separate child care place first so I haven't been for weeks. I need to find my workout groove again. I miss my Turbokick friends, I miss easy gym childcare, and I miss having friends to workout with while on the stupid machines. I don't know how to go about solving those problems though. I'm considering switching to our YMCA instead of the Rec Center in hopes that it will be better, but I don't know. I'll worry about it when we get home from vacation. :)